Communicate with your spouse about your feelings, fears, and needs. During this step, the assistance of a neutral Islamic counsellor may be helpful for some people. If, after thoroughly evaluating your marriage, you find that there is no other option than divorce, there is no shame in proceeding to the next step.
Allah gives divorce as an option because sometimes it is truly the best interest of all concerned. Nobody needs to remain in a situation that causes personal distress, pain, and suffering.
In such cases, it is more merciful that you each go your separate ways, peacefully and amicably. Recognize though, that Islam outlines certain steps that need to take place both before, during, and after a divorce. The needs of both parties are considered. Any children of the marriage are given top priority. Guidelines are given both for personal behaviour and the legal process.
Following these guidelines may be difficult, especially if one or both spouses feel wronged or angry. Strive to be mature and just. If they both desire reconciliation Allah will effect harmony between them.
Verily Allah has full knowledge, and is aware of everything. A marriage and a possible divorce involve more people than just the two spouses. It affects children, parents, and entire families. Before a decision is made about divorce, then, it is only fair to involve family elders in an attempt at reconciliation.
Family members know each party personally, including their strengths and weaknesses, and would hopefully have their best interests at heart. If they approach the task with sincerity, they may be successful in helping the couple work their issues out.
Some couples are reluctant to involve family members in their difficulties. One must remember, though, that a divorce would affect them as well—in their relationships with grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc. So the family will be involved, one way or the other. For the most part, family members would prefer the opportunity to help while it is still possible. If this attempt fails, after all due efforts, then it is recognized that divorce may be the only option.
The couple proceeds to a divorce. The procedures for actually filing for divorce depend on whether the move is initiated by the husband or the wife. When a divorce is initiated by the husband, it is known as talaq.
The pronouncement by the husband may be verbal or written, and should only be done once. If the wife initiates a divorce, there are two options. A repudiated wife retains the dower she received at marriage or, if it was divided into a prompt and deferred portion, the deferred portion becomes immediately due at divorce.
In some cases, women set a large deferred dower as a disincentive for their husbands to divorce them impulsively. Again, she must observe a waiting period. Acceptable grounds for divorce vary widely among the legal schools. In the Hanafi school, for example, a woman has almost no grounds for obtaining a divorce provided her husband has consummated the marriage. She cannot be divorced from him even if he fails to support her, abuses her, or is imprisoned for life. If he is declared missing, she may indeed have the marriage dissolved on grounds of presumed widowhood at the time when he would have turned When submission to God becomes a formulaic relationship based not on knowledge, grace and love, but on stereotypes, unhappiness becomes the norm.
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Newsletter Subscribe. Related audio. Not 'completely' divorced Like many religious traditions, marriage is highly regarded in Islam — which can make divorce a taboo. It is also because they have made a contract before God, called a nikah , to remain together for life and divorce would mean breaking that contract.
A couple can go to their mosque for advice and support from the Imam if they are experiencing marital problems. Extended families also play a vital role in trying to help the couple sort out any issues. However, in some situations a couple might feel divorce is their only option.
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